Novel: MonsterYear: 1992
Welcome to Death Came Along For The Ride!
Over the next few weeks, I will be working through an analysis of Christopher Pike's novel, Monster. Released at what I perceive to be the height of PIKEMANIA, Monster is surely the work of a consummate storyteller at the top of his game. Pike's wikipedia page lists Monster as his 15th work of Young Adult Fiction. As someone who has personally done at least a few things 15 times or more, I can vouch for the fact that once you do something 15 times, your confidence level should be super high. I've probably made french toast 15 times at this point, and I'll guarantee you that the last time was the best.
Before tackling what is sure to be an absolute masterpiece, let's take a moment to talk expectations. Expectations based on an absolutely minuscule amount of information.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I am 90% sure that I read this book about 17 years ago when I was 12. While I don't recall much about what goes on in it, I may have buried memories that could colour the predictions made in this edition of unfounded sPIKEulation.
The Cover: Based on the cover, we can expect a few things. The football player (let's call him #27) is one of the cool kids. Because he is a football player and it is 1992. Also, his eyes are red, so he is probably why the book is called Monster. Actually... there's something kind of familiar about #27... I feel like I've seen that face with those eyes somewh...
OMG
Same guy. I am floored. I need to revise both my expectations and the cover itself.
This changes things. Now according to the cover, this is a story about mutants. That explains the tagline. "They were no longer human...": Of course they weren't human! They were mutants. Now the red eyes are totally explained, because Cyclops is the football player. The girl is probably Jean Grey, except I think she's a brunette. This cover really worries me, in terms of being an indication of this book's quality. Cyclops is, like, the worst character ever.The Back Cover: The story description on the back cover of any Christopher Pike novel generally serves as the tipping point between whether you'll end up picking up the book or whether you're just going to go read a bunch of your sister's Sassy magazines instead. Let's see how the back cover of Monster fares.
Mary Carlson walked into the party with a loaded shotgun. In the blink of an eye, she blew two people away. She wanted to kill more, but was stopped by her best friend, Angela Warner, and the police.
The next day, when Angela visits Mary at the jail she asks why she did it. Mary responds. "Because they were no longer human." Angela thinks she's crazy.
At first.
Until she probes deeper into Mary's claims and discovers a horror so unimaginable that she thinks she is going crazy. She even gets to the point where she wonders if she should have let Mary keep on killing.
While there was still time to stop the thing from spreading.
The very old thing. The hungry thing.
The next day, when Angela visits Mary at the jail she asks why she did it. Mary responds. "Because they were no longer human." Angela thinks she's crazy.
At first.
Until she probes deeper into Mary's claims and discovers a horror so unimaginable that she thinks she is going crazy. She even gets to the point where she wonders if she should have let Mary keep on killing.
While there was still time to stop the thing from spreading.
The very old thing. The hungry thing.
Well, based on that description, we know two things: Mary is a bummer at a party and the cops in this story play second fiddle to apparent teenage Supercop Angela. What we don't know: Whether the very old, hungry thing is Brian Dennehy.
Presumptions Based On An Extensive Knowledge Of Pike's Other Work: There are more than a few things that we can assume about this book based on what we know about the author. This could probably be a drinking game. But reading gets really hard when you're drinking, so you may want to enlist a buddy if you feel the need to try it.
1) Chances that the female lead will sleep with someone who winds up trying to kill her: 75%
2) Chances that the female lead will sleep with someone who winds up dead: 75%
3) Chances that the female lead will be described as having a nose "slightly too large for her face": 50%
4) Chances that the kids in this book will all be crazy rich: 90%
5) Chance of a suicide: 50%
6) Chance that it will have "all been a dream": 33%
7) Chances that this book will feature youth-targeted product placement: 99%
Summary of Predictions: Based on what we've covered, I believe that we can expect Monster to include:
Please tune in again for my take on the first few chapters of Christopher Pike's masterpiece, Monster.
Presumptions Based On An Extensive Knowledge Of Pike's Other Work: There are more than a few things that we can assume about this book based on what we know about the author. This could probably be a drinking game. But reading gets really hard when you're drinking, so you may want to enlist a buddy if you feel the need to try it.
1) Chances that the female lead will sleep with someone who winds up trying to kill her: 75%
2) Chances that the female lead will sleep with someone who winds up dead: 75%
3) Chances that the female lead will be described as having a nose "slightly too large for her face": 50%
4) Chances that the kids in this book will all be crazy rich: 90%
5) Chance of a suicide: 50%
6) Chance that it will have "all been a dream": 33%
7) Chances that this book will feature youth-targeted product placement: 99%
Summary of Predictions: Based on what we've covered, I believe that we can expect Monster to include:
- The X-men
- Inept cops
- Goths vs Jocks
- A really poor choice, sex-wise.
- A really poor choice, friend-wise.
- Probably lots of people drinking Pepsi or Coors Light or something.
Please tune in again for my take on the first few chapters of Christopher Pike's masterpiece, Monster.
